Part Time Jobs
by LiLiKun18
Summary: Companion piece to "Edo the Kitty." Roy explains to Edward the importance of having a part time job. A lot funnier than it sounds. WARNING: Contains Edward and Roy stupidity.


It was a lovely day in Central, and Colonel Mustang had just finished some very tedious paperwork. He gave a long sigh and sank into his chair.

"At last," he smiled. "Peace and quiet."

Suddenly Edward Elric came crashing into the room through the closed window, while flying a hang glider. He crash landed on the paper work file cabinet, which exploded and then burst into flames.

"I should've figured as much…" Roy sighed as he pulled out a fire extinguisher.

"Oh Colonel! I'm done with my mission! That means you have to pay me now!" Fullmetal grinned sadistically.

Roy sighed. "Actually, since you just destroyed the military's most important cabinet, filled with the military's most important files since the founding of the country, you will not be receiving pay today."

Edward picked up one of the charred pieces of paper.

"The compositional break down of a cheese pizza is one of the military's most important documents?" He asked skeptically.

"We can't all be super genius combat alchemists Edward," Roy said. "Some of us have to make a living."

"Like what?" Edward asked curiously.

"You know Kimblee? His military compensation isn't enough to pay for his constant wreckage, so he works part time at a preschool."

"You'd let a psychotic serial killer with the ability to turn people into explosives work at a preschool?" Edward asked.

"They were low on staff," Roy explained. "Plus you've never tasted his cookies, their delicious!"

Ed frowned. "Yeah…sooo what else do people do?"

Roy scratched his head and thought about it, "Lets see…Armstrong works part time as a super model, Bas Gran used to do Mustache art before his head exploded, Tim Marcoh worked in a balloon factory, and Shou Tucker was a closet poet." Roy looked at Ed. "Seriously, every state alchemist has another job except for you." Roy said.

"Really? What do you do?" Ed asked. Roy frowned, and his cheeks turned bright pink. "That is none of your business!" he scowled.

Ed shrugged. "Ok, I can respect that."

"It's embarrassing! And if you try to find out I'll set you on fire!"

"…Ok?"

"I MEAN IT EDWARD!" Roy shouted.

"…Uh…"

"Alright, I'll tell you." Roy sighed in defeat. He glanced around and then leaned over to whisper in Edward's ear.

"I'm specialize in…chicks…"

Edward frowned, "That is really creepy sir."

"No it's not." Roy sighed. "It's a lot of work, and it takes effort! You have to be there for them at all times, and you have to make sure you don't get them confused, and you have to play with them every once in a while."

Edward fought the urge to gag.

"Hear, do you want to meet them?" Roy asked.

"No that's ok, I need to go anyway." Edward sighed. He quickly turned and ran out so quickly he forgot his hang glider.

"Hmm…" Roy said. "Too bad." He reached under his desk, and pulled out a giant cardboard box. Inside were twelve baby chickens, who were all asleep.

"Aww…you're so cute!" Roy smiled. "Did you miss Daddy? Daddy's here."

"Sir, you're going to frighten the staff…" Riza sighed as she walked in.

"Riza have you met my chicks?"

"Yes several times," Riza said.

"This one is Maes, and this one is Roy Mustang, and this one is Hawkeye, and this other one is Roy Mustang, and Breda, Havoc, and Fury, and Roy Mustang. Then there's Falman, Armstrong, and then that really tiny one is Edward." Roy smiled proudly as he watched the chickens interact. The Edward chicken really liked to peck the Mustang chickens, and the Hawkeye chicken seemed to have taken the role as Alpha female, as all the other chickens answered to her.

"So what do you plan to do with them when they grow up." Hawkeye asked.

"I'll start a chicken farm, and then I'll anoint…that Mustang to be chicken Fuhrer. And it'll be called the Roy Mustang chicken farm!"

Riza sighed. "You do that, but in the mean time the cabinet file with all of the military's most important papers is on fire, so lets put that out."

"…Yeah…" Mustang agreed.

Meanwhile, Edward had found himself a new job.

"And now, using the power of…" he stopped to snicker. "Magic, I will make it so this suit of armor moves all by itself."

The crowd oooed and ahhed as Alphonse took off his helmet and walked from one side of the stage to the other.

"Taddah…" Alphonse nearly sobbed, so upset that his brother was using his condition as a means for cash."

"You see, this is the power of *snicker* magic." Ed fell over on the stage laughing as people threw money at him. Suddenly he felt something pecking his hand. He looked down and saw the tiniest baby chick he had ever seen.

"Huh?" Edward said stupidly as the chick pecked his hand. "Who're you?"

"I'm Edward Elric." Said the chick telepathically.

"What? But I'm Edward Elric."

"No! I am Edward Elric, you are an imposter." Suddenly the chicken pulled out a chainsaw, "I will eliminate the imposter!"

"Aghhhhhh!" Edward screamed as he sprinted away from the killer chicken.

"ELIMINATE! ELIMINATE!" The chicken chirped.

After that Roy Mustang was forced to give up his chicks, as it turned out they were beginning to have some identity crisis. He got another job making Pizza's.

THE END

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A/N: This was something me and my friends considered doing. I thought about making it longer, but decided it would be too hard. Would you guys like a sequel?


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